Surrender your arms! What the heck does that even mean?
Okay, so most of my blogs are about my writing, even these weird ones because even these end up in my stories in one way of another. And, I can see where this one could be a story in itself.
In my dream last night: I’m with family, my brothers, one of whom died a few years ago and I cannot connect with him. Duh. My dogs are also in the dream, running around having fun, playing, of course. But there’s a lot of my family in the dream, who may or may not have anything to do with me.
People in your dream always have to do with you! They are a part of you, parts you may not be able to connect with (!) or who you do not have much to do with (you don’t pay attention to).
So, outside, in a field there’s a lot of stuff going on with the near homeless (and I’m reading a lot into this right now because of a neighbor and a homeless friend I recently ran into). Then a woman comes by on the hillside who's not part of the family and doesn’t belong (really?). 
Suddenly, I’m with some other people. You know how dreams go! We’re in a camp where people are turning things in, maybe donating stuff or preparing donations. I don’t recall all of it. 
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Before bedtime, I’d read Malachi 3:10 which says: "Test me! … and I will surely bless you. Good things will come to you like rain falling from the sky. You will have more than enough of everything.”
Now, I don’t go to church but the Lord is in my life 24/7. In my writing, I’m constantly looking up scripture to be sure I’m on track. Though I’m writing fiction, I want to honor the Lord with what I’m spewing out about the important lessons a character speaks. So, I ask the Lord, “What can I give? Like the apostle Peter said, 'Silver and gold, I have none. What I have this I give to you.' He gave healing, Lord. What do I have to give?” 
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So, in my dream, a man is sharing his war story when another man behind me, like my neighbor who’s always interjecting something. So finally, I turn and say, “Shut up and let him tell his story.” He does. That’s me, miss straight up and abrupt. But it gets the job done. So, John hands over his rifle, his weapon; it’s wrapped in burlap, and it slams past spattering mud on me, I know it’s intended for me. I wake up.
“Lord. You want me to give up my weapons? My anger IOW? How?”
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I read another blog. Now this is something I and my character in my story would have to learn:
Anger is my reaction when someone steps on me, figuratively. I get angry when I imagine what has been done, how, usually a male has trod upon me. I think most of my life I have held on to a right to be understood. These are often the times I get most mad at a male  or those around me. After all, I deserve to be understood and treated fairly. Right?
But as a follower of Yeshu'a, what are my rights?
I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20 (NKJV)
God is calling me/us to a surrender that is so final to lift our head in defense or anger seems insane – ridiculous. I am a bond servant of Adonai, God Almighty. He is my defender. I answer to Him. Whatever wave of attack or injustice – from slander to the guy next door – Adonai’s call is to let it wash over me without a fight - like water off a ducks back.
To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also. Luke 6:29 (NKJV)
Why would anyone live this way?
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When I read the Scriptures I hear God saying to me, “You know Me, you give up your life as I did. I’ll show you when and where to lay down your rights. But let’s start with your life, your expectations, your money, your family and friend’s approval, to be successful, to be understood. First, let’s start with these. Just let them go. Turn the other cheek and die to your rights." 
What if He knows turning my cheek could transform me and possibly the rest of the planet? His selfish people's ridiculous and radical abandonment of rights and instead show His insane love and, in doing so, we would see His face?
What if I am missing what he has for me because I want to hold on to my rights and my anger? What if freedom is letting go of the very things I think I must have in order to gain what I want most?

Just when I imagine I’ve finished a book, and it’s offered on Amazon, I download the copy as an ePub and begin to read it as a reader… oh, crapola. Disaster. 
Suddenly, I discover a chapter where I’d moved paragraphs around and now there are two of one and words not where they should be. Yes, I know, an editor would be nice - if I had thousands of dollars lying around to send off to a publisher I wouldn’t have these problems, but I don’t.
The last person I sent my manuscript to got caught in his own novel he was preparing for a contest (which he didn’t win) and could not find the time to edit mine. What was I paying for? Sigh.
So, I struggle to perfect my novels on my own and every 90 days I offer my books on Amazon for free on Kindle and hope against hope someone will review them, at least for the story and hope they overlook the mistakes. So far, the only reviews I’ve been able to garner I’ve had to pay for are online and, of course, they are not always guaranteed to be real people. Even when they are real people those person don’t put their review on Amazon, Apple or even Goodreads. So, what’s the point?
The only review worth the ink on the page is on Amazon. The vast majority of ebooks sold nowadays are on Amazon. I believe it’s upward of 80%. So, you see my dilemma. 
If anyone reading this blog wants a free copy of any of my books and is willing to review the book(s) on Amazon and/or Goodreads (I believe Goodreads reviews go on Amazon) I would appreciate you, and return the favor if you’re an author and if that is ethical.
When I was a participant on a certain author’s website, which shall remain anonymous, I read books by five different authors and reviewed them on Goodreads. Those reviews were then posted on Amazon. Those same authors received a copy of my book, and only one posted a review. 
Anyway, now my novel (actually seven in one - Children of Adonai: Celestials Chronicles) I’m rewriting again and doing my very best to edit out the mistakes. I hope get it done before the first weekend in May. That’s when my free offer comes up on Amazon for COA: Celestials Chronicles.
BTW, You don’t have to buy the book on Amazon to leave a review on Amazon.

Ah, writing stories… it’s the hardships and traumas in life that help me get in touch with my feelings about certain situations that crop up in my stories.
My latest (personal) story was about my mama dog, an Australian Shepherd who was hit then ran over by a car. I suffered loss and terrible grief as did my son. At times I want to rage at the person, but it does no good to blame ourselves or others when bad things happen, even though the person blames us for her death, rather than admitting they were driving too fast and failed to stop. 
Nevertheless, these events in life help authors get in touch with feelings, but when situations arise in a story where we have no experience, sometimes we can ‘imagine’ ourselves experiencing such an event and how we might feel, and when that fails, there’s some very good ‘emotion thesaurus’ online that help out as well as other online helps.
Right now, I’m reading a series of eleven books, so far, the David Wolf Mystery Thrillers, and I cannot imagine how the author comes up with all these scenarios. I love mystery thrillers but don’t write in this genre because my mind doesn’t go there. You’d think  after reading Clive Cussler, James Rollins, and books like the ones I’m immersed in now I’d be able to but not so. I’d have to go online and look up true crimes to see what sort of crimes have been committed and how I could use those in a story. Now that’s an idea, in case I’m bored with writing about angels. But hey, maybe I could include the angels and demons in murder mysteries. I’ll have to look in the Bible and see if there’s any mysteries in there I could steal an idea or two from. It’s always a good jumping off point.
Come to think of it, I could use the story of my mama dog as a starting point, maybe the person was running away from a crime or fleeing from someone who was after them and couldn’t stop for fear of being caught or themselves being murdered. Nice. I’ll toss that into AI and see what sort of outline it comes up with and if it’s something I can work with to write a mystery.
Okay. See you next time around.

Yesterday, before breakfast, while waiting for me to fix their food. I have three Aussies: mama dog, papa dog and the baby (almost three). Mama went downstairs with my son. He lives in the basement apartment with a patio. The outer stairs has an area that’s fenced but needs some work. 
Mama dog, Ebony, escapes through that at times to run with the wolves. She races up the street and generally returns home before we can locate her. This morning, my son called to let me know she’d escaped again and he was on the hunt. I quickly put on my shoes and raced out the door and, half way to the intersection, I heard a horrifying sound - a car as it struck a body.
When Ebony saw my son she bolted out between two cars into the street to greet him. The driver didn’t even try to stop, but hit then ran over her and kept on going up the hill without even slowing down. What if it had been a child? Good grief!
She appeared to be DOA, but as soon as my son lifted her up to move her onto the sidewalk, she began to breathe. I will spare you details because the dog was essentially dead. I ran home for my truck and returned so I could take her to Columbia River Veterinary Specialists, a 24 hour emergency service. Those people were fabulous.
My goal was not to save her life because she was too damaged, and by the time I arrived, she had quit breathing. I wanted her taken care of so declined CPR and requested cremation, which they did for a very reasonable fee.
Even if the driver had stopped, it would not have made her loss any less traumatic but the anger and the urge to do some serious damage to the asswipe would not have been there. We’re supposed to pray for those who abuse and spitefully misuse us, and I suppose this falls into this category, but it’s going to be a few days or more before I can even think about praying for the person who hit my dog and carelessly drove over her damaged body and left the scene. 
She was a fun-loving mama dog of almost five years. I bought her when she was 3 months old from a woman in Longview. Ebony had one litter and I still have one of her puppies, Kaida. A lovable little red merle and her papa, Ivory, a red merle. Kaida misses her mama and waits by her food dish every morning for mama dog to show up because they always ate together. They played together and now all she has is gruff papa dog, Ivory, who’s not the same as mama dog. Papa dog seems to be taking it well in hand but the puppy is not. She lays by the gate waiting during the day.
One day at a time, she will eventually adjust to mama being gone. If I hadn’t been so upset, I would have let her be with mama dog before I took her to the vet. Then maybe she would better understand. When we had to put another dog down, its partner was able to be with her for a while after death, so he didn’t go through the grieving; he seemed to get over it quickly it seemed. And it could just be the difference in dogs. Well, that’s my story for the week. Thanks to my sister and all my friends who have been so loving and supportive since this happened. I’ve really appreciated it.
P.S.
I painted a picture of Chardo, my son’s dog. You can see it on my page of paintings. My son asked me to paint one of Ebony and I will do that for him sometime this coming week and post it also on the paintings page. As an aside…
When I brought Ebony home as a puppy, my son took her with him on the bus all over Vancouver and Portland - bus and Max. She enjoyed it and I believe that’s where she got the wandering spirit. And I know he blames himself for not fixing the fence in time, but life is what it is and it does no good for us to blame ourselves when bad things happen, or to blame others.
However….
Two days later, a neighbor said to me (the person who hit our dog is a Facebook friend of hers) it was my fault for letting the dog out of the yard - as if we did it on purpose. I’m hurt and angry all over again because I miss my mama dog so much. I’m going to stop because that’s not what this blog is supposed to be about, and get back to writing about my books. Speaking of which...

Oh yeah, I couldn’t resist. In the Celestine Chronicles; it’s a seven book series of Children of Adonai, I’m revisiting book 2, the Forgiven, where Lucifer has Miriam in Hell. He’d kidnapped her and after conversations galore and emotional challenges, surprise, surprise the two fall in love.
Then, the Lord of Heaven calls for her return to Heaven. Of course she was in hell in part because he allowed Lucifer to take her there to tempt her as he had Job centuries before. Not to test her faith but to test the devil himself to see if he could stand up to Miriam’s faith. He fell in love not having a clue he’s the one being tested here. 
Miriam’s also challenged seeing all the souls in hell and her compassion for them trips her heart. In wondering about hell and how we end up in that dark and fiery place, I went online and perused some of the reasons and I'm more confused by  what I read some of which will depend upon which church you attend or religion you believe in - one reason I gave this blog the title I did. Please don’t be offended or if you must....

1. Hell - unspeakable torment
The traditional perspective, the “traditional” view can be a cheap way - according to many (not all) evangelicals of trying to win the argument without proving the merit of their ideas.
The Eastern Orthodox Church has been around way longer, and have a different take on it. It doesn’t mean they’re right and evangelicals wrong, but let’s dispense with whose view is more “traditional.”
In any case, the “unspeakable torment” view says those who die without Christ experience unimaginable agony — and they’re fully awake for it. This view is the eternal conscious torment because most adherents believe it’s an unending state. There is no reprieve, no second chance.
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2. Hell - a ghost town - universalist
Christian vs generic universalism, both end in a nonexistent hell. Generic universalism says everyone is basically good and all paths lead to God.
Christian universalism says there’s only one way to God. It accepts the reality of hell, but believes those in hell are able to repent and escape.
There are, in fact, two varieties of Christian universalism:

• Confident: They are sure hell will be empty one day. God’s victory will be absolute and all-inclusive. 

• Hopeful: This is universalism. There is hope for everyone; it’s likely everyone will eventually embrace God.

​3. Purgatory now, hell later  
Those who die apart from Christ go to hell, though it isn’t hell - not yet.
Residents of this not-quite-hell can switch  from “damned” to “saved,” on an expiration date at final judgment, for all eternity.
Think of this hell as “Hades.” It’s rather like a waiting room for the dead.

4. Annihilation
Basically, unrepentant are ended at judgment, not endlessly tormented. Apparently it’s the official view of the Church of England. 

5. Conditional 
Not quite annihilation. Close. To most, annihilation implies God ends the unrepentant. Conditional immortality takes a different route to the same destination. It questions the assumption humans are inherently immortal. In fact, only God is immortal.
The notion we’re immortal — our souls cannot die — isn’t from the Bible. It’s from ancient Greek philosophy - everything physical is temporary (and evil), while everything spiritual is forever (and good). It’s known as Gnosticism, heretical according to the ancient church or whoever.

6. Subhuman existence
This view is something halfway between eternal conscious torment and conditional immortality. The more a person persistently, defies sins against God and others, the less they reflect the image of God so become less than fully human. They will persist in the afterlife as ex-humans. 
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And those are just the theories about the nature of hell. There are many more theories to consider about who will end up there.
Exclusivists say only those who consciously put their faith in Christ — or only those predestined to put their faith in Christ — go to heaven.
There are accessibilists who leave room in God’s kingdom for those who never had a chance to accept or reject Christ - God judges.
There are Christian pluralists who say God can save adherents of other religions — such people will meet Christ in the age to come and realize he was the one they were seeking.
There are weak and strong versions of Christian pluralism, with different understandings of just how far God’s undetected grace will extend.
And there are agnostics who insist we cannot know — like I used to say, “I’m just going to let God worry about it.” 
These views have found expression in the Christian tradition. Some are more popular than others. All of them appeal to Scripture for support and how they interpret scripture is individual and personal.
So when someone argues about heaven, hell, who goes where, and for how long — remember… it may not be as simple as we think. 

​      God knows so, put your trust in Adonai and his son Yeshu'a

I started a blog on Hell is a Hoot because there’s so many versions. More on that after this short blog because I was so astonished by what I read, as I was reading and writing about hell.
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Note Genesis 2:15 says, "The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. 16 And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.” 
Okay. We all know verse 17 by heart and wonder why those idiots ate from the tree of knowledge, but how many of us ever ask ourselves about verse 16, the other tree. Who cares about all that knowledge when we have eternal life to learn everything there is to know?
Once they were kicked out of the garden, they are now denied access to the "tree of life", which they had access to before, and now they will die. Of course, most Christians or Bible readers erroneously assume because the tree of knowledge was forbidden so was the tree of life. At least I did. I’ve never heard a preacher even preach on it.
Read the text above again. The two idiots were told NOT to eat from the tree of knowledge. Until they screwed up, they had eternal life - a gift only God can give and he gave us in the beginning. Now of course, we have to go the extra mile and accept Yeshu'a into our lives. Not that it’s a big deal but just imagine all the drama we could have bypassed if Eve first then Adam had not eaten from the darned tree.

   Dream on little dreamer, including daydream. I wonder if my characters aren’t part of my life coming to life, they seem so real.
    I’ve always been a dreamer, as I said. Indeed, in the third grade while at the Assumption Academy in Chadron, Nebraska, I dreamt of my father and mother holding their baby while I peed on the floor of a nearby room in what would be the restaurant they later opened. "Piss on this" was my attitude, though I didn’t realize it at the time. I was only eight.
   The dreams rolled in over the years but that one stuck. Others I still recall came many years later when I was in a very traumatic relationship and wanted out but didn’t know how to leave. Three nights I dreamed about the relationship and the reason I was stuck, and stayed stuck.
  April 1st, while falling asleep, I recounted my relationships and what went wrong. Looking for love in all the wrong places. No! I wasn’t looking for love; I wanted to be wanted by someone, anyone! And I was willing to do whatever it took to be wanted. You know what that meant, and so, I went from one man to another who was looking for? Maybe they wanted to be wanted so, in a sense, we fulfilled one another’s need - for a moment. At least that was the dream.
Back to the dreams.
    After the memories came the dream of a man, who'll remain nameless. He reminds me of my oldest son’s friend. That’s how I met the traumatic relationship guy. I wasn’t looking for a man but he showed up at my door and I let him in. Dumb-dee-dumb-dumb. Not this time. Fortunately, my son’s not around and he’s married, so I can’t meet his friends. This guy, I met by happenstance, so I have no idea why he would show up in my dreams. He’s 32 years younger than me! He’s young enough to be my grandson for crimes (typo) sake. Yup. Crimes sake is right. It should be a crime to even dream those sorts of thoughts about him. So get him out of my dreams for pity sake. Help Lord…
     Last night, I had another dream. If you don’t know who Bettie Mitchell is, she was the founder of Good Samaritan Ministries, Beaverton Oregon.
In the dream, I’ve written a couple of pages of … who knows. She’s sitting and a lot of other people have lined up submitting their two pages of… 
I wait to hand her mine as another woman walks up and hands her two sheets of paintings with beautiful images. Jealous, I comment something sarcastic, reach and touch a portion of the paint, and come away with paint on my fingers only it’s my paint. I get up and go into the bathroom to wash off the yellow ochre paint. 
    Now, I’m wondering, when did I ever give her anything I’ve painted? As I’m writing this, I remember two paintings. One very colorful painting of a landscape by a river and waterfall with Yeshu’a sitting with two of his disciples and one of the women; the other was a colorful waterfall with a white bird overhead and the sun sinking down. True I didn’t give them to Bettie per se, I gave them to the ministry here in Vancouver. Still it made me think of the colorful paintings I’ve made and perhaps I should stop writing stories for a time and get back into my painting. Dip my fingers in the paint, if you will. After all, the seven books in my Children of Adonai series are on Apple and everywhere else. Ha.